Wednesday, April 29, 2009

BREAK -

For reasons explained at the end of this blog I am going to post a piece of my olders writings. Originally I focused a lot more on comedy in my writing. After seeing how many websites already devote themselves to video game comedy I thought I would really get lost in the shuffle. So rather then working on finishing what I had for today I present an old piece from the Okayama Fuzzy Peach (a newsletter / creative outlet for English teachers in Japan). This is from a series I did called Playing with my Joystick.

Have you been playing video games recently and wondering where all the man love is? Well you are in luck because this month I am going to lead you to three games that answer that question...


Duel Love (Nintendo DS):

 

Japan has fallen off the radar a bit lately as the shift towards new gaming ideas has moved to the west. But fear not the Japanese still corner the market on the dating sim genre. In this dating sim the gender roles are reversed. You are a new girl at school and its just your luck that a bunch of hunky guys are all interested in you (that is if you think a bunch of guys that look like girls and one boy who looks 10 years old is hunky). It should also be mentioned for some reason all the boys in the school of boxers and have big boxing matches to a bunch of fanfare. Its your goal to try and date one of the boys. You are rewarded, through paying attention to their boring emo bullshit, by getting to play some mini-games. The mini-games include such classics as; blowing away steam in the shower your to check out your favorite guy, wiping the sweat off his body after a boxing match, and giving the hunk some medical treatment and a massage. Sadly these games show up for about 30 seconds after every hour of reading boring text. If you want to get the idea of what its like to play this game read a really bad romance novel and stop every 60 pages to rub the picture on the cover for half a minute. Overall this game was worthless! If you really want to see some hot man anime love go to your local manga or anime shop and ask the clerk for the “Yaoi” section.


Freshly Picked Tingle’s Rosy Ruppeeland (Nintendo DS):

You may have heard of the classic Nintendo franchise “The Legend of Zelda.” As loved as this series is many people try to forget a Zelda character named Tingle. Tingle is a 35 year old man who dresses in green tights and wants to be a fairy, I have no idea how he got past the character concept stage. For some reason Nintendo decided to give Tingle his own game. In this game Tingle needs to build a tower to Ruppeeland with the help of his transexual sidekick who lives in a computer, named Pinkle (I couldn’t make this up). Tingle also meets many bizarre vaguely sexual characters along the way. The most memorable character is a construction worker (dressed exactly like the one from the village people) who humps the screen ever time he completes work on a bridge. For all the awkward sexual overtones throughout, it is actually pretty damn good. Tingle has grown from the annoying character of the “Zelda” series, into the star of a uniquely warped game. 


Ring King(US) / Family Boxing (Japan) (NES/Famicom):The year is 1987, your parents let you rent one game from the local dingy video store. You see a boxing game and think, “this would be fun for me and my brother to play.” You take it home and immediately start playing. The controls are stiff and the boxing isn’t realistic but this is regular Nintendo you put up with it. Round one ends... and then you see your cornerman doing something strange to your character. Your father, who was half watching you play, notices the act immediately and tells you to “TURN THAT GAME OFF!” Little did you know you had just witnessed the cornerman giving the boxer a blowjob, right there in 8 bit glory. 


There will be no new post until May 13th (2 weeks). The reason for this is because this weekend I leave for a short vaction to Fukuoka, Japan and then heading over to Nagoya, Japan. Rather then putting out what I was originally going to have for today I would rather hold on to the things I have already finished and put them up in 2 weeks. Most of my blog posts are written weeks a head of time and then during the lead up to the post my wonderful fiance edits it and then I put together the pictures and media. Since I can't work on the blog during the vacation it would be better to be late on my terms then to scramble to catch up when I get back. See you then.

4 comments:

  1. Have fun on your vacation!

    Rohit

    ReplyDelete
  2. By the way, was that cornerman actually giving the boxer a blowjob?...haha What was it meant to be actually?

    Also, since we're on the topic of sexuality, I've heard that the Japanese are kind of crazy sexually with wierd sex clubs and stuff. Is this true? What are some of the wierdest things you've seen?

    Rohit

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